Tonight, I am joined on the train by Gyno Legs
and Itchy Ear Hair guy.
Gyno legs is a tiny Asian man sitting across from
the guy next to me straddling his legs, as you have to do, but clearly
needs such incredible full clearance, as to not touch, so much so that it seems more natural that he
should have his legs in stirrups. While Itchy Ear Hair guy ran on the
train donned in wool from head to toe, sweating and gasping for air. In addition to my sweaty companions dewy exterior merging with mine there is my
ongoing struggle for arm space, which is complimented by his periodic outbursts
of singing along with the SMASH soundtrack and quite ferocious ear
itching.
Ohhhhhhhh how I love Metro North. :(
And thank you Jesus he is
getting off at 125th St!
Friday, October 26, 2012
Public Service Announcement
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP ....
This is a Public Service Announcement
The US Health Dept reported and unusually high distribution of stupid pills in CT and NY today.
They predict the abundance of reports are due to a misinterpretation that over the counter meant mainlining the stupidity into everyone's morning coffee. Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks are currently being questioned, but have "No Comment" at this time.
Tips for those affected:
1. Drivers: If you are afraid to drive on the road, get off the road
2. Texting: If you cannot text and walk without bulldozing into others, throw away your phone and go home immediately
3. General Stupidity: If your heightened stupidity is causing outbreaks of rage by strangers, go home and do not return to public until notified
Thank you for your attention.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP.
This is a Public Service Announcement
The US Health Dept reported and unusually high distribution of stupid pills in CT and NY today.
They predict the abundance of reports are due to a misinterpretation that over the counter meant mainlining the stupidity into everyone's morning coffee. Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks are currently being questioned, but have "No Comment" at this time.
Tips for those affected:
1. Drivers: If you are afraid to drive on the road, get off the road
2. Texting: If you cannot text and walk without bulldozing into others, throw away your phone and go home immediately
3. General Stupidity: If your heightened stupidity is causing outbreaks of rage by strangers, go home and do not return to public until notified
Thank you for your attention.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP.
Monday, October 8, 2012
There's no way I'm not being PUNKED
Where's Ashton Kutcher?
As "a single" in a world of pairs, I'm pretty sure I've been on a 21 year long "Punked" episode.
In the dating world, I continue to hear the strangest things from genuine to strange to just plain odd. Some of my faves ...
"My dead parents would really love you."
"You got good teeth. Are you with that guy?"
"You're super high quality."
So... I'm feeling pretty good about myself - kind of like an specialized organic fruit, a cheesy Chinese food advertisement or of course ... a high quality ghost in-law prospect.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
As "a single" in a world of pairs, I'm pretty sure I've been on a 21 year long "Punked" episode.
In the dating world, I continue to hear the strangest things from genuine to strange to just plain odd. Some of my faves ...
"My dead parents would really love you."
"You got good teeth. Are you with that guy?"
"You're super high quality."
So... I'm feeling pretty good about myself - kind of like an specialized organic fruit, a cheesy Chinese food advertisement or of course ... a high quality ghost in-law prospect.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
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